The Cecil B. Watsis Report

(Written by Chad Burns)

This is ace reporter, Cecil B. Watsis, here in the small town of Roundup, Montana. I am talking with Del Johnson, a resident of this quiet little town. "Del, tell me what you think about all this?"

"Well, sir, I gotta tell ya, I ain't seen nothing like this before. My Granddaddy used ta tell us about the great cattle roundups of the 1800's and I imagine it was sumpthin' like this. Black bodies for as far as ya can see. The dust and the noise is amazin'."

What Del is talking about is the biggest thing to hit this town since the cattle barons used to drive their Black Angus herds here in the 1800's. For as far as you can see, there is nothing but running, milling black bodies. Some of these LBD's (little black devils), as their owners like to refer to them, have been driven from as far away as Canada and New York for this event. In herds ranging from 1 to 21 strong, they have come from all points of the compass. Braving the elements and bad road food, they have all gathered here for The Great Schipperke Roundup. "Del, what has been the strangest thing you have seen from this group of Schips?"

"The poopin'. Without a doubt sir, the poopin'. These critters get-ta spinnin' and dancin' and I gotta tell ya, it was the craziest thing I ever seen! Why, just yesterday, my cousin Ray, down in Wyoming, called to ask what the heck was going on up here. He said they could see the dust from down there. He was afraid we was having a stampede or sumpthin'. And the noise, by God! They all get-ta woo wooin' an roarin' an yippin', and it's almost more'n a man can take. Jim over at the hardware store, says he done sold every piece of plate glass he had. Windows all over town have been crackin'. But for the strangest thing, ya gotta go talk to Dave over there by the barber shop. Hooweee, has he gotta story for ya."

"We are here with Dave Allen, owner of the Flying Z ranch. Dave, what seems to be the problem?"

"Well, it's my prize bull, Killer. Now lemme tell ya about Killer. He is the biggest, baddest bull this side a the Mississippi. 2700 pounds of meanness and nastiness, an I am mighty proud of that. Ain't nuthing that gets in the pasture with HIS cows. Well sir, just yesterday, a small herd a them "Schipperkes" come past my ranch, thats the Flying Z ranch, by the way, and they was all a chewin' on sumpthin'. They all just kinda mosyin' along and they all went past the pasture where I was keepin' Killer and thats when it started. I heard the most frightful sound I ever heard and the next thing I know, here comes Killer, just a-runnin' for the house like his rump was on fire. He went thru three fences just to get away from them little critters. As we speak, he's a-hidin' under the front porch steps. The whole time he was running, he had his tail tucked between his legs, like he was tryin' to protect his oysters or sumpthin'. Yes sir, it's the strangest thing I ever seen!"

Well, there you have it. Is this Great Schipperke Roundup some sort of cult gathering? What's with this spinning pooping thing? Are they trying to change the global weather patterns? And what does a 2700 pound bull have to be afraid of? I'm Cecil B. Watsis in Roundup Montana and all I can say is "get along little doggy". Back to you Walter.